Words that Should be Outlawed
Good morning. As I sit here and prepare for another day at work, I think about words that just shouldn’t be used anymore. Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for freedom of speech, and would never write my congressman encouraging legislature to be passed outlawing these words. I’m talking about businessspeak (sp?) – the words that businesspeople use to describe things they don’t understand. If you’re in any kind of business, and have spoken to anyone who is an eager 20-something, works for a marketing agency, or anyone who is in the marketing department in any “cutting edge” industries like technology, internet, software, or cotton gins, you’ve heard all of these words at least 100 times in the last month.
Here is a brief rundown of a few of my favorite overused business words, and a guide for you dear reader, explaining what they really mean:
Solutions – Originally hatched as a word to replace “buy my product, it’s better, because I need the sale”, solutions has evolved into the business sycophant’s most favorite word. Instead of solving a problem, you can say you’re providing a solution. It’s warm and fuzzy, well received by the client/boss/co-worker/priest that sees that you only want to solve their problems, not save your own tail.
Partner – This is a word designed to take the edge off of more bland (yet truthful) words like “client”, “vendor”, “co-worker”, or “scum sucking beast”. The thought behind this word is that if you think of everyone around you as your partner, you’ll play nicer in the sandbox together. Plus, as your local sycophant will tell you, the boss-man (or boss-lady) will really be pleased if you tell them you’re providing “solutions for your partners”, instead of “throwing the guy in the next cubicle under the bus”.
Enterprise – Sorry Trekkies, this isn’t referring to where Captains Kirk and Picard so loyally served the universe (and made out with green alien babes), it’s a large company that can’t keep its stuff straight. So, what do they need? Enterprise-wide solutions! Yay! With a taste like that, it’s gotta be Smuckers!
What I find a little irritating is the trend to make every noun a verb…How did Badge become a verb as in badge in and badge out?
I agree completely Steve. Here’s another great one – “Reaching out”. This was a term made famous by the Sopranos, as what one mobster did when he needed help from another in dispute resolution.
I’ve had several people – mostly vendors who sling around the words above – say “thanks for reaching out to me about this” when I needed their help.
This begs the question of what’s next – will I be having a “sit down” with people I’m having conflict with? And if the “sit down” doesn’t work, will that ultimately lead to a cryptic phone call to my office, where someone says “I, um, took care of that thing. You know, that accounting department thing.”